This morning's bardic run over wooded parkland brought a wonderful and precious haiku moment; there patiently waiting, unmissable in a patch of mud, was a pleasant surprise:
two pigs
pink pig, black pig
fat pig, fat pig
or, maybe better?:
two pigs
pink pig, black pig
plump pig, fat pig
5 comments:
liked them all
john
I think I prefer the 2nd version
Preferred the first, but there we go.
It's a bit darker, I thought - I liked that obvious suggestion of a possible repeated insult in the last line.
The second, in it's defence, is quite a tongue-twister. Sounds great.
Dominic,
now you've got me wavering,
the tongue-twister haiku, say it fast 3 times,
och, it's a swine!
I vote for the second. ;) It does bring into play the reader's take on the subtle difference between 'plump' and 'fat', on a playful note, I might add. (And I tried the tongue-twister -- fun!)
Cheers.
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