The Moon Antshave taken over
your world
in the night
As you were asleep
they crept in
and took over
crept into your shadow
as silent as ants
and took over
your world
as you slept
in the night
silent as ants
as you slept
in the night
they crept in
and took
over
took over
your
world
your world
in the night
As you were asleep
they crept in
and took over
crept into your shadow
as silent as ants
and took over
your world
as you slept
in the night
silent as ants
as you slept
in the night
they crept in
and took
over
took over
your
world
in the night
______
gw2010
gw2010
image: The Poor Poet (Carl Spitzweg)
Definitely a poem to be whispered.
ReplyDeleteJim,
ReplyDeletethat's true. There's a suitable picture to it now.
gwilym
Dramatic poem that crept but at a pace (I think that's what I mean!).
ReplyDeleteThanks Gordon,
ReplyDeleteIt's an informative painting I think. Note the way Spitzweg's 'poet' contemplates the tiny thing he has found in his bed. That's the task of poets.
This poem sings for me, and the painting - one I remember seeing in childhood, one I remember well - resonates through the world. The lot of a poet is not one I envy, though the productions are a joy.
ReplyDeleteThanks. I'm here via Jim Murdoch's blog. Gwilym.
Elisabeth, you're most welcome here!
ReplyDeleteShades of Pierrot Luniare and Salvador Dali.
ReplyDeleteI wanted to read it out, speaking clearly at first, diminishing to a whisper.
Gwilym, I love this poem. And the artist has a style I have looked for since I was a teenager. I will have to look him up. I think I have a card of his, an old man telling stories in the shadows of a fireplace. He has long spindly fingers.
ReplyDeleteI found out why my 160 was actually 170, the Word toolbar counter ignored the line breaks. Bummer. Now I really have to trim.
I am carried away by the following poem on Christmas Island. you pull us right in.
Keep up the helpful comments, I have no liberal arts training, science, medicine, visual arts yes.
peace,
Dianne
I love the repetition and wonder if it's a known form or your own creation? Whichever it is, it's well done!
ReplyDeleteDominic,
ReplyDeletea pleasure to me that Jim Murdoch and yourself have found the whisper of ants in the reading of this. One can almost hear their feet.
Dianne,
I also love these Dickensian style subjects in paintings and drawings. I think it comes from my days when as a boy I was addicted to Sherlock Holmes stories which were invariably illustrated with caricatures, gaslamps and book-lined studies.
Karen,
To answer your question I can write to established formula but only very rarely do so. I think it's more important that the style fits the subject. Ants are small and in the night they all look the same and of course they come along at intervals. In the next poem A Postcard from Christmas Island I have tried to get the swell of the sea you see in the photo. It's regular but irregular at the same time. There's a regular swell but in the swell there are irregular waves and currents at work. Hope that helps! There are a couple of tongue-in-cheek poems on the blog about people sharing their trochees and other such things.
There's not very much in this poem, vocabulary-wise, but my God, does it pack a punch! The essence of poetry.
ReplyDeleteThe thing most striking to me and appreciated is the fact that you don't tell us what the ants taking over the world means. What does it portend? You leave that subject alone. Very nice control. I like your work very much. Please do visit mine:
ReplyDeleteFractal stars here
Peter, lovely comment. Many thanks, and I shall try to punch on....
ReplyDeletegwilym
Enchanted Oak, I shall certainly explore your fractals. So what does 'Moon Ants' (mean) portend? Now there's a $64,000 question for the reader to ponder...
ReplyDelete:)
gwilym
My skin is crawling...
ReplyDeleteNot sure I shall sleep soundly tonight.
ReplyDeleteJinksy and Weaver, you'll be ok. It's only make believe :)
ReplyDeleteThat's a wonderful poem. I'm going to be scared to go to bed tonight, apprehensive of ants infiltrating.
ReplyDeleteNicely done. The painting is amazing. I've never seen it before.
ReplyDeleteNanU and Jenn, thanks for comments. Beware the ants!
ReplyDeleteThat explains a lot PIR! Scarily good!
ReplyDeleteTFE,
ReplyDeletethanx, may you slip safely and antlessly* into the next year,
yours with best of bardic,
Gwilym
- *you'll be ok, i've heard they are currently fast asleep inside the walls :)