Poetry says such a lot in so few words Gwil, that is what makes it so powerful.
Thank you Pat, I was going to 'improve' it with stronger and more violent words, but you stopped me making that mistake with your comment. Oftentimes less is more.
So I've 'improved' it quietly.
Finally. I think that's it now. I like the ambiguous ending.
I would have liked to see the violent words."deprive him of his madness"
Rachel, thanks for that fine line now incorporated in the text. Soon we can turn him round and send him back to fight another day.
This reminds me, they're repeating M*A*S*H here on TV every night. I'd forgotten how good it was(and how "between the eyes" anti-war) - perhaps I never realised as I was younger when I first saw it, paid less attention and perhaps missed the subtleties.
Thanks. And it begins with the theme tune: 'Suicide is Painless:
I like the changes to the words of the poem, I tried to write another line last night for your consideration but nothing came. I see today that it has changed again and looks finished.
Thanks Rachel, I'm happy with it now. I'll call it finished. Thanks again for the line. The final positioning of your words 'deprive him of his madness' I think adds something too.
And last two words give an echo of something out of kilter, unbalanced etc..
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