Tuesday 10 February 2015

The Bank to Suit your Packet


"I'm thinking of starting a bank. It will be known as TBSP, which stands for The Bank to Suit your Packet. As far as I can make out it works like this: Money in x 10 = Money out. But seriously TBSP means The Better Savings Project. Actually it should be Savings and Loans, but I left out the mention of Loans. When you save with me, I mean us, we will charge you a small fee, not too small of course, for taking care of your hard earned money. Well, not really taking care of it because I, sorry I mean we, will lend your money to another bank who will look after that side of things. This other bank will be, I should say is,  a bona fide subsidiary of TBSP. It will be known on the High Street as HCLS. There's a picture of the head office just below. HCLS means Honourable Cash Loan Service. HCLS is an offshoot of our sister company and affiliated to an international cartel with an office in . . . , well you'd be surprised if I told you.  I like to say 'our' because that's how we bankers like to talk. It makes us sound more trustworthy. Excuse me, did I really say that?  Yes. So you see our money is safe with us. No need to lose any sleep over it. No need to tax yourself with another restless night on a lumpy mattress. We will take care of everything. And should the worst happen, there will be a government official on the scene before you can say bankers-bonus to bail out the boat, which is to say the Happy Cuckoo . . ."



10 comments:

  1. Oh this HCLS bank is so kind and that lovely that nobody wanted to investigate it and their leader became the special minister for trade between the kingdoms and they all lived happily ever after.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like your new header, I thought perhaps I had landed on the runner rather than the bard.

      Delete
    2. First I clicked 'reply' to your first message and waited and nothing happened. Then I clicked on 'reply' under your second message and I got the 'delete comments' page which I ignored. Now I'm trying again. Third time lucky I believe. Maybe I had one Bulldog too many ;) with my hot curry. Header photo was taken in Triest. Be more on Triest, a ptown I really enjoyed and am eager to get back to, in future posts.

      Delete
    3. Nay, not a town a metropolis, a city. It was strolling through the old town I enjoyed most though.

      Delete
  2. Love your portrair (and the hat).
    In future the farmer and I are thinking of keeping our money under the mattress - seems the best place when one hears the news.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Pat. That's me trying to look like a British bulldog type! Another Austrian bank is hitting the skids. They'll sell off the bad bits to some mug or other before they go under. And a Parliamentary investigation is taking place into yet another bank which is either Austrian or Bavarian who gave billions in bad credit to the Balkan Mafia and is being held by the ong-suffering Austrian taxpayer. If previous investigations are anything to go by not much will come of it. Make sure your husband puts the money under his side of the mattress, I wouldn't want you to lose any sleep over it.

      Delete
    2. To Weaver, don't keep the money under the mattress. When the young boys from the Steppes and the Urals and Dubrovnik and Warsaw broke into my house they up-ended the mattresses. Fortunately my money was in a bank which is at the end of the day in spite of what we might think, a little bit safer.

      Delete
    3. Sensible advice there from Rachel. I like premium bonds. But then I'm an eternal optimist.

      Delete
  3. Ok,sounds good to me. How can I pass the money to your wonderful and promising bank?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dear Yael, Our customer service department will advise you in due course. We are always at your service, A Small (Investment Manager)

    ReplyDelete

Note: only a member of this blog may post a comment.